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Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
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| Time: | 12:21 pm. |
| Music: | "Bad to the Bone" - George Thorogood. |
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pomegranate Jelly Bellys. rock.
I should have decided this earlier (more time to read, and all), but considering as how I never did read the 6th book, and the 7th is coming out soon... and it's just been so LONG since the first, Lindsay is gonna read Harry Potter 1-6 straight through. Swell Foop and all ;]
gonna finish Scrambled Eggs at Midnight first, though. 'cause it's just that fun.
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| Time: | 1:37 am. |
| Music: | "We Are" - Vertical Horizon. |
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hate this place.
that is all. (short, sweet, and to the point... ita?)
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::breathes::
well then.
for the record, I know I should be funneling my energies into something more productive. there are MANY holes to this existence, and I know that this is one I can put up with above all others. I KNOW it. stupid obsessive nature. but I dunno... maybe, at the moment, it seems like the easiest thing to get a grasp on, so maybe that's why it's so appealing. either way, these matters of the heart will not sustain me alone, and are bits I can survive without. maybe that's just pseudo-brave-Lindsay-talk, but I'd like to believe it to be true.
::waves to Lisa:: someday, lady, I promise I'll write an entry that makes sense... something a little less cryptic. ;] in the meantime, suffice it to say... that while I'm quite open about "oh, I LOVE the colour blue! and Toad the Wet Sprocket is GORGEOUS! do you like cheese, 'cause I like cheese!", I simply do not feel like giving the inner truths access to a public forum. not anymore, at least. or for the moment. the ever-lasting moment of a thousand lifetimes.
::sighs:: concerts need to be nooooooow...
and due to circumstances I refuse to mention (in attempts to pretend they were never real), my bike is discovered to be in working condition! ahhhh... I missed my bike. we've had good times, pre-Ozzy and such. =]
stomache ache needs to go away...
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| Time: | 2:31 am. |
| Music: | "Roses" - Tonic. |
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watched Pan's Labyrinth tonight... I say, it serves as a lovely reminder regarding my affinity for Fairy Tales. the dvd of extras was pretty snazzy as well, though the director didn't seem... well, his wording was a bit odd. but I guess Spanish is his thing? ::shrugs:: so I won't hold it against him.
Umbrella Academy promo comic arrived the other day... and I must say, it is quite pretty. looking forward to the first issue...
reading Nightwing Year One at work, absolutely loving it! ('course, I'm a sucker for all things Grayson-Robin...)
::yawns::
winged insects are faeries, and all young gentlemen should dress so fancy when I'm doing a book buyback for them. ::laughs:: absolutely entertaining.
Tuesday is gonna be HEAVENLY (read: first day off since last Tues), but Friday and Saturday should be a bit more enjoyable. ::grins:: Goo Goo Dolls (FINALLY), Lifehouse, Kenny Wayne Shepherd, and Craic Wisely (which, I've only heard once, but dug quite the bit).
just a tad saddened that I have to work on the 4th... I love fireworks. but hey, 6 concerts around then? could be worse. =]
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looking outside my window, and the tiger lilies are in bloom on her grave. I open my gaze a little more and spy a rabbit just to the side, and the sunshine is gorgeous...
::smiles:: I miss Sunny. and that was definitely a happy sight.
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| Time: | 1:45 am. |
| Music: | "The Joke" - Lifehouse. |
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today's nether-bits:
met the 2nd place dude from the adult level, Dyer-Ives poetry contest. I stumbled on words with everyone today, so I must've sounded like a blathering idiot. what kind of writing do I do? oh, well... I... I dunno. this is what I read: *blah blah*, but it's not what I write. mine is more... stream of consciousness. not a lot of form to it.
talked to another customer about writing, and I stumbled my words with her too. but yea writing talk!!!!
speaking of... yet another Thursday night observing the Writing Group (I'm usually at the Used desk, for some reason), and this week, I'm POSITIVE I saw Judah. didn't want to interrupt them, so I didn't get a chance to say hello, but... I did see my favourite Alaskan! ::laughs::
and you males are driving me crazy... ::sticks out tongue:: people in general, too. that whole "conversation" thing and I just don't get along...
bring on the concerts, and let me live! =]
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Thursday, June 21st, 2007
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| Time: | 1:06 pm. |
| Music: | Lifehouse. |
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"This doubt is screaming in my face In this familiar place, Sheltered and concealed And if this night won't let me rest Don't let me second guess What I know to be real Put away all I know for tonight And Maybe I just might learn to let it go Take my security from me And maybe finally I won't have to know everything I am falling into grace To the unknown To where you are And faith makes everybody scared It's the unknown, The don't know That keeps me hanging on to you I got nothing left to defend I cannot pretend That everything makes sense But does it really matter now If I do not know how to figure this thing out I am against myself again Trying to fit these pieces in Walking on a cloud of dust to get to you"
back to the lyric posts, apparently. some days it's just easier to use someone else's words, even if I'm not sure I want to.
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| Time: | 3:01 am. |
| Music: | "The Joke" - Lifehouse. |
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"Someday I'm gonna find it
Wish I knew what I was looking for
Inside the disarray (inside the disarray)
I woke up this morning
Don’t know where I’m going
But it’s alright
I wouldn't have it any other way"
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Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
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| Time: | 10:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  lost. | | Music: | "Bridges" - Lifehouse. |
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mmm... new Lifehouse, and I didn't even know!
for the record, when done right, a wink can be one of THE hottest things. ever.
"I'm definitely sure that I'm not sure." any takers? (takers? for what?) for the unknown question. or the unknown answer. or both, or neither.
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| Time: | 2:22 am. |
| Music: | "Ramshackle Day Parade" - Joe Strummer. |
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so, can I just mention the amusement levels here...
a previous coworker of mine, who I always wanted to actually "hang out with", I only saw once outside of the store... but now I'm friends with his girlfriend, and because she and I were hanging out tonight, I actually got a chance to spend time with him as well. ::laughs:: just, I dunno... it strikes me as funny at least. =]
and again, with the priorities...
so, she and I are driving around, trying to figure out what in hell we're going to do (we just finished seeing FF Rise of Silver Surfer)... realizing that neither of us really *do* anything, just kinda... exist. I read... she does yoga. I listen to music... she plays with her dog. Neither of us sound too terribly exciting on paper. ::laughs:: But, is it really doing "nothing"? Is it a waste of our lives, or is it more than acceptable because, hey, it's what we choose to do?
I dunno... she seems happy, and that's probably all you really need.
Me, I'm not completely unhappy... I'm not completely happy either. I'm restless. I think part of it is the loneliness, which isn't a huge thing, just enough to hit every once in awhilst. And I wonder if I could really be happy with that whole "quiet existence" bit. I doubt it at this point, but... ::shrugs:: Who knows?
I mean, yeah, I love books... I love learning, even if it isn't the stereotypical "knowledge"... but, fiction gives way to human nature, and I do love people. So it all seems to be worthwhile. But shouldn't I be spending more time observing and conversing with people?
maybe I just need to sit... sit and enjoy the presence of others, screw the talking.
I still really only think I could be happy doing music... just, I need to get there...
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| Time: | 12:46 pm. |
| Music: | "This Is the Last Time" - Keane. |
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mwah hah hah... just TRY and get these strawberries away from me! NOT GONNA HAPPEN!
(fresh homegrown... wooooo...)
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| Time: | 1:20 am. |
| Music: | "With Or Without You" - U2. |
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there's my catharsis. ::hugs the music::
nothing like a song to remind you of your priorities in life.
and we need more U2 shows... now.
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| Time: | 2:18 am. |
| Music: | "Non-Toxic" - SR-71. |
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so... I was trying on the reading glasses at work ('cause Mary seemed to think I could pull them off?), found a pair that looked snazzy, if only I felt like paying 15 bucks just to knock the lenses out. =p
this leads to a "heeeeey, Mrs. Mikey Way!", and a plotting on Lindsay's part...
"so, wait... the glasses bring Mikey over to my side, he brings Ray, and then *edited for the youngsters*"
let the evil laughter continue. ::grins:: the Toes and the Fingers are brilliant, she says...
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Saturday, June 16th, 2007
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| Time: | 4:05 am. |
| Music: | "Mojo Pin" - Jeff Buckley. |
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due to mutual frustration with the opposing genders, the following plan has been made:
- steal car
- road trip to Mississippi with Nate
- dig up The Box at The Crossroads
- strike better deal with devil than Robert Johnson did
- find loophole to own benefit in contract (I added that one on)
- run like hell (HA!)
I know I'm gonna be looking for something music-related... here's hoping Nate doesn't ask for a giant tire swing. ::laughs::
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| Time: | 9:13 pm. |
| Music: | "River Man" - Nick Drake. |
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ugh... stupid! invited to a coworker's party (housewarming), but not going 'cause I feel so damn exhausted... and, well honestly? I adore her, and her fiance rocks too, but... I don't know that I mix well with the work crowd. ::rubs forehead:: I sometimes think I'd like to, but... ::shrugs:: ah well. I AM legitly tired.
and the mosquito-bite MOCKERY of my 3 arm freckles is annoying the crap outta me.
I think the attraction going on in my head is absurd... I'd like to get off the ride now, thanks.
I'd play WoW, but I think I'm gonna go collapse instead.
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::sighs:: goodbye, Bullfrog. safe travels.
too many emotions in this damn mind tonight.
doesn't help with all of the Glen acoustic songs I was watching on Youtube... or maybe it IS a help. reminds me of what's really important.
that guitar. ::points::
"and it's time you ought to sleep
to ease your mind"
at least I'll catch about 8 hours tonight... ::yawns::
and an absolutely gorgeous breeze is visiting me tonight.
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Thursday, June 14th, 2007
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| Time: | 6:41 pm. |
| Music: | I hear Lifehouse in the other room.... |
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boxcutter didn't kill me... the books did.
I am never going to get this crick out of my neck...
BDubs in 30! and a small crowd at that.
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| Time: | 2:42 am. |
| Music: | "Roses" - Tonic. |
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sooooooo tired. (finally) and with much luck, I won't be slicing myself open with the boxcutter tomorrow.
oh, yeah... and I'm about ready to friggen' scream "Dam Would Break" word for word, a cappella, straight out into the night air.
but, I figure that's a given at this point...
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Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
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drunk on water... what a thought. la la laaaaaaaaa...
today was a whole lot of nothing. hence, the now-instilled state of limbo-land. at least I don't feel like I'm drowning in formaldehyde (we shut off the a/c).
I have an obsessive bit to my personality some days... this drives me a titch batty, especially today. and yesterday. and the day before.
and decisions that I let myself believe I made, are they really just resignations? 'cause it feels like it, slightly. but maybe because there are still days I can surprise myself, despite the obvious.
lies. I did things today. I let myself think, if nothing else. thinking implies something other than death, and so... a start? mayhaps.
all I know is that... I don't know. I'm not sure if the pros ever outweighed the cons, or vice versa. I don't know if those midnight excursions to the truckstop were ever worth it. the trips to Grand Haven, speaking dreams that lack the substance of motivation, all over grilled cheese sandwiches. trying to hold my tongue so as not to spoil a birthday that (I thought) deserved perfection. they say it's the "doing" that is the reward... yet every selfish molecule of my brain screams out in frustration that the thoughtlessness of others will always outweigh the thoughtfulness. and while I'd LIKE to think it an entirely selfish thought, I know it's out there for everyone's taking. because who will ever feel like they've been given as much as they give? and in different ways, different methods... I would like to believe I've done my fair share of spoiling, yet how many have reciprocated with something stronger than patience? or kindness? or stepping back even when they were positive you were just throwing your life away? (that's for you, Mom)
and for all the times I crave to say the independent path is mine for the happiness and the taking... for my childish feminist tendencies of yesteryear and the urge to rely only on myself (so I can't be disappointed in the end?), I still want to run away, to hide. and how can we be successfully hidden without someone to hide us? dependence.
so I rely on the dead. the words and the ideas of the deceased. inspiration once spouting from now-cold lips given life once more through desperate eyes. my True Loves given form within monuments... edifices, and Art will always be the one blanket I can rightfully claim to hide under.
I guess I allow myself the internal conflict on what it is I really WANT because I'm still not sure how I feel about this world, what I feel about this world. so what's the point in deciding?
there's the familiarity of an attempt at parental "protection", shelter... but that doesn't mean I want to stay locked in the home with only windows to gaze at beauty from.
nor do I want to lock anyone else behind those glass panes.
maybe escaping from the "house" is an acceptable form of escapism... just so long as I don't run so far as to become lost. just... wandering.
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| Time: | 5:10 pm. |
| Music: | "Magic Carpet Ride" - Steppenwolf. |
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"According to Yale's newspaper, he has wanted to play the poet Dylan Thomas for a long time, but feels he's not physically right for the part."
Thank you Edward Norton, and IMDB.
love it.
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bluegrasshopper's journal